Sunday, March 26, 2006

Nightin - geli ka?

50 years ago, a voice ruled the airwaves and the collective imagination of India. That voice belonged to Lata Mangeshkar.
Today that voice might be as screechy as an old Fiat starting out of Parsi Colony. It might be part of at max one Yash Chopra movie in a year. But you cannot write off this voice since its still very strong.
Five years ago, this voice successfully hampered the progress of Mumbai by protesting against a flyover that would be at the same height as her bathroom. Unfortunately this voice does not know the modern sound proofing techniques like wooden boards or fibre glass. So one million people have to shout , honk and increase their stress levels while passing through Pedder Road.
Do poor people in shanties ever crib that they cannot excrete when new roads or railway tracks are built on their favourite shunting grounds. Believe me such a 'pressure' can be higher than that of not being able to practise a few alaaps. Today lot of shopkeepers face the loss of livelihood thanks to the road widening program of the BMC. But such people dont have a voice. Millions of people lead a sandwiched existence in crowded trains so that a few CEOs can jog to office.
I think we as a city should welcome the exit of Lata Mangeshkar by immediately starting work on the flyover. If we have already booed Tendlya , Lataji can easily be shooed for the city's progress.

Tuesday, March 21, 2006

Its Boo time folks

Indians have finally come of age. Booing is cool. Mumbaikars (or is it Mumbhaiyas after the influx that never stops) have desecerated their god . Tendulkar was given a standing 'boo'vation after scoring just 1 run when the junta had turned up to watch an innings they would cherish, paddle sweeps notwithstanding. Is this the coming of age of the Indian audience or is it that Tendlya was a soft target only time will tell.
I think we as a nation need more booing across spheres. Let me make a list of my favourite boo spots would be.
1. Femina Miss India contest: Oh my God. With every passing year , the answers get more trite and self conscious. There should be a Boo meter to rank the 25 contestants all aspiring to shed their clothes in the Bollywood movie they can lay their hands on after the contest. Words like world peace , Mother Teresa, poverty , upliftment would significantly amplify the Boo meter.
2. Movie premieres : You know yeh movie kaafi hatke hai. It has 5 songs , 2 fights and 3 emotional scenes. Nowadays movie makers have also taken marketing lessons and make statements like "its all about loving their parents". So the boos should be amplified for movie makers who over intellectualize their mundane offerings like Karan Johar and Mahesh Bhatt. We also have marketing heads of studios like Yashraj who praise their Hum Tum cartoons in every interview related to marketing of movies claiming it to be the biggest invention after sliced bread. Give us a break guys. Jo chal gaya wo bik gaya.
3. Equity whiz analysts on CNBC: Blame it on the roaring sensex and the race to find the bigger fool who would continue investing in stocks. As the PEs heat up, the stories to justify them turn more convoluted.
CNBC : So Mr . All Lick Share dalal, where do you think the Sensex is headed.
Mr. ALSD: I think the Sensex could either move up or down or stay flat at these levels.
CNBC: What stocks would you recommend
Mr. ALSD: We are bullish on the capital goods and construction sector. They would benefit from the economic growth.
CNBC: Arent valuations are stretched ?
Mr. ALSD: Well they are , but there is new liquidity in the market which keeps chasing these stocks.
Boo boo for both CNBC and ALSD for carrying on the triteness.
4. Shekhar Suman and Sajid Khan: When will we as a country overgrow them ?
I am sure we as a country are very under-booed. We dont have the equivalent of the Razzies or the years Worst or Rotten Tomatoes etc. There should be a boo-meter on TV channels where people can vote through SMS when somebody is crapping eloquently. Please feel free to make additions to the boo- spots. Boo.....