Tuesday, April 04, 2006

Fashion Week Dwitiya : Live

A fitting welcome to summer was full of misfits. The Lakme fashion week that was supposed to swing the sweatometer, raised a lot of heat and showed a lot of t**. India is finally global even in fashion. We have wardrobe malfunction like the advanced world. So what if we cannot have nudity on the ramp like Milan or Paris. We do it our style.

I believe the TV channels have missed a big trick in their maddening rush for TRPs. Instead of bidding $612 mn to see an Tendulkar bat with half an elbow and a rustic Sehwag try to swat flies instead of deliveries, channels should have paid cool bucks for the Fashion week. They could have then had a SMS contest to see "Kaun banegi draupadi" and who would drop the most clothes. Then they could have sold the TV clip rights to all the news channels who follow the mantra of 'steam, sensation and stupidity' when it comes to airing news.(even the latest entrant CNN IBN actually had a news item on top 10 kisses in Hindi cinema). They would run a story called 'Lakme mein Laaz ki kami' or some shit like that. Another profitable business model is of course MMS clips which fails to get monetized because of the piracy.

I bet by next year, we would have astronomical bidding for the Fashion week. It would be telecast live and would be preceded by shows like 'Extra fittings' which would have a noodle strapped Mandira Body and a strapless Malaika Rora hosting it. And to add to the fun it would have Sidhu and Srikanth. Sidhu would start the statements like 'fashion models are as innocent as freshly laid eggs but its the chicken designer who is causing the flu'. And then Srikanth would rotate his nose 90% left and right. Of course to the public it would appear that he is trying to smooch Malaika. He would then mutter in Hindi 'yeh log kyon khelta hai sorry kholta hai mujhe pata nahi, lekin maza aata hai.'

It would then be followed by an Asian Paints Pitch report. Out of work Saurav da would go and examine the wood and the lights on the stage and predict if the stage would cause models to slip and the clothes to fall. And if there is no problem he would take off his T shirt and clear the ramp. After that there would be the Reliance Hello Kholo aur Jeeto contest where one can predict the models who would have a wardrobe malfunction. As the telecast goes on there would be a Chevrolet Optra Wagon wheel which would show piecharts of the body parts exposed the most, legs, back side, etc. And as soon as the golden moment occurs it would have a bunch of sponsors like a Kodak moment or the Alpenliebe Sardar dancing on a 'dil le gayi kudi' tune.

There is so much potential untapped that Fashion weeks would never be the same again.


At 2:46 AM, Blogger shikha said...

You really have a knack of writing...awesome!!

I have become a big fan of yours!!

Think Carol was also paid for the same,it was a partof the deal.

When india is arriving on the global scene everywhere...from jobs abroad,to the rising stock markets..why should we be behind Milan and Paris...on the "so called" fashion front!

At 12:03 PM, Blogger Glasstank said...

Thats quite original and very hilarious..enjoyed reading every bit of it.

At 12:50 PM, Blogger Jo said...

drawing similarities between the telecast of a live cricket match and the fashion show is truly hilarious !but why the contempt against saurav-da..making him clean the ramp and all..poor thing is anyways down in the drain nowadays !!

At 8:50 AM, Blogger AMODINI said...

Nicely written ! The only ones who're really taking this seriously is the political moral brigade.



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