Saturday, May 10, 2008

The Rice Ravan

A few months back, the only rice Bush knew was Condolezza rice. Nowadays he seems to be knowing more about the rice India and China are eating.
Over the last four years in what was called the great economic expansion or another round of exuberance depending on what profession you are in , the world's well off people took $500 bn from the world to build the homes they didnt need. The number crunchers keep coming up with their versions of how high this number can be each time Bernanke makes a statement or another bank reports losses.
So as the global liquidity roller coaster reduces speed, driven by these losses and rising costs of inputs and fuels, the best way is to control the same BRIC economies who were supposed to sustain the growth and deprive them of capital unless they cap their eating habits.
Since the world needs a new enemy since it cannot catch Osama, rice has become the morose morsel. One man's biryani is another man's burden.
Soon, foreign investors are going to balk at rice eating executives from Asia as potential deal breakers. 'You guys eat so much rice, how can you run a company efficiently?'. Already top dealmaking hotels have introduced a set of 'riceless' menus for such investment meetings. The truth is they had no money since their leveraged bets have failed as badly as Britney Spears movement into adulthood.
TCS and Infy are facing a double whammy;the depressed dollar and the lower productivity of their software engineers who are being denied their full helpings of curd rice.
One of the key reasons why Indians have started eating so much is the saas bahu serials. There is a indirect correlation between the quality of these serials and the quantity of rice that gets consumed during Indian dinners while watching these serials. As a first step, Tulsi should take a first step to reduce the number of relatives from 127 to 64 so that we stop eating for others sake.
And Bahus, no more kicking a pot of rice when you enter new homes. Lot of wannabe bride inspired by these Bahus waste a lot of rice trying to perfect the best kick to show off to their in-laws .Hopefully, that will be the last time they will come close to a pot of rice since most of thse new age bahus cant cook nowadays.
I can go on with my rice rants but I have started seeing an alarming trend of some new age female bloggers trying to do their bit for the food crisis. Their suggestions range from using leftovers creatively like todays dosa is tomorrows uthapam, or how to optimize your cooking for the social occasions where Indians dance to kajra re after a few pegs of Black Label or how to use pastes etc.
That is when you know that this food crisis is not a problem at all, just a figment of imagination like Maneka Gandhi's love for stray dogs.