kaal dhamaal

the summers most awaited movie has finally arrived with the karan johar publicity machine working overtime ... the kaal of the wild...i wish they had a byline for the movie...kaal the time or kaal the danger or something....

since shahrukh could not act in this movie and could only co-produce it , and is johar's lucky mascot...apart from a special appearance...to keep his soul in the movie...there is a tiger with a stammering problem and how it gets its roar back is an interesting sub-plot of the movie...

the other plots are :
who is scarier ? esha deol with the kohl makeup or the tigers...
who is more wooden ? john abraham or the trees in the forest
who is more kiss worthy? lara dutta or the snakes which john abraham embraces...

and again the key question is will the champion of candy floss' venture into verma territory succeed...

reminds me of a dialogue from maqbool: duniya mein santulan bani rahni chahiye...aag ko paani ka darr laga rahna chahiye...

completely clueless

If one is a heavy metal fan, does that mean his favourite dish is dum biryani ?

Maamu's management funde

I am starting this post as a regular column. Most Indians are subjected to management writing which is very Western, academic and serious. So why not look at maamu who has such a racket going to understand the art and science of management.

Ckt: eh mamu, yeh strategy kya hota hai
Mamu: ckt to faltu mein short ckt ho raha hai. Dekh mein simply samjhata hoon.
Ckt: Aajkal koi bhi strategy use karta hai baap. kal woh malaika mtv mein shopping strategy ke baare mein bak rahi thi.
Mamu: Dekh simple si baat hai, jiski chaddi badi uski strategy, ("strategy depends on who says it")
Ckt: bole to , main strategy nahi soch sakta kya
Mamu: Nahi bhidu, to soch sakta hai, sablog sochte hai , woh raste ka pandu , baju ki vimla sab log strategy sochte hai ...lekin unko woh bhaav nahi milta ...
Ckt: bole to, strategy bahut simple hota hai kya? matlab kam me lo , jyada mein becho; jyada riks wala kaam mat karo, jo janta ko chahiye woh karo....?
Mamu: Bilkul sahi jawab ckt... lekin duniya mein ek asool hota hai.. bade pahle khaate hai.. abhi tu apna example lele... abhi main sab cheez sochta hoon aur tu jaake execute karta hai ... matlab mein strategy banata hoon aur mujhe loot ka hissa pehle milta hai or credit bhi milta hai...
Ckt: lekin baap tumhe kabhi kabhi pata nahi rahta hai bandra ke kaunse sadak mein police nahi rahti jaha main kisa ka kharchapani de re ha hoon...
Mamu: usse farak nahi padhtha hai...woh sab operational details hai jiske liye tere jaise stud ko rakha hai.. corp world mein bhi yahi hota hai...aise log hota hai jinki gaadi badi hoti hai, position c ya v se shuru hoti hai , unhone either 10-15 saal ghisaya hai ye solid maska maara hai... to woh sochte hai strategy... kabhi kabhi unko yeh sab daaru peete samay ya office mein baithke ya chaar paach magazine padhke ya biradiri ke logo ko milne se chamakta hai..... tere paas woh time nahi rahta ki to yeh sab kare gay..isliye tereko sunna padtha hai...
Ckt: samajh gaya mamu... matlab bade log jab bakwaas kare ya ekdum simple baat kare to woh ban jaati hai strategy... aur humare jaise chote log ko jaldi se bada banna chahiye....taaki hum bhi kam kaam kare, bahut daru piye, bade logo se mile aur strategy banaye...
Mamu: Ckt mujhe lag raha hai tera motivation gir raha hai...chal dance bar chalte hai...manju ko kya nachti hai baap....

jab reader raazi to kya karega paparazzi

The writing's on the web) .. Big media has finally acknowledged the threat posed by the natives of the digital world. People today are packing in 30 hours in a day constrained by 24 hours. I am not talking of consultants who do such things by bogus over billing of clients. Welcome to the always on generation, the digerati who are soon going to overtake the paparazzi. TV is a passive wall paper , ipod plugs are an extension of one's ears , the mobile phone is what the riveted denim was for cowboys and newspapers maybe are good for packing shoes. A phenomenon which the new Tata Indicom campaign captures through its 'do more, live more' theme ,(sourav dadas attempts notwithstanding ). Multi tasking has made the lines between work, leisure and sleep so blurred that the battle for attention is painstakingly elusive. And media czars like Murdoch are definitely concerned. He said in a recent speech that lot of editors have lost touch with readers and the youth dont want to listen to news presented as gospel. He has also hired Mckinsey to chart out his online and wireless strategy that is almost Armstrongian as " one small step for Mck, a big step for media ".

Move over the Microsoft Linux wars . They will pale into comparison in the new convergent world. Convergence is finally reality. Bill Gates was right in his book " The Road Ahead" where he said we tend to overestimate in the short term and underestimate in the long term. VC adrenalized dotcom dreams failed due to pipes blocked due to dialup speeds and people sounded the deathknell for anything webby. But with cheap broadband access due to glut in bandwidth and ubiquitous mobile telephony, convergence is blurring the walls between media , telecom and consumer electronics. The itunes service based on the Apple ipod has tipped the scales against the music labels who cannot believe 10 mn ppl are paying 99 cents to download a song rather than buying CDs. It would have been simple if these new avenues were just another distribution media where existing content could be repackaged and one can expect a steady stream to the bottomline. So how will win this war or how will the new ecosystem of co-opetition evolve is a critical question.

The problem is media owners love control. The premium they would pay for control is directly proportional to the number of legal resources employed by them. Its also historical since most media conglomerates are edifices built on one man's vision or lust for power whichever was longer or wider. So they would be paranoid about releasing their content on the web and such new avenues. Moreover they would ask for a price so premium that the business model will definitely tank. The only option where they would charge a reasonable price is when they believe the business model has a low probability of success like they thought with Apple itunes service and are cribbing now. But thats how bargaining power sometimes shifts to platforms that create tangible consumer value or are uber cool to be part of. The critical thing is what type of content would succeed. It could be new types like blogs etc. It could be the universal ones like music and sports. But the online world with its wide choice exhibits different characteristics than the traditional broadcast or publishing models.

More on these changes later...

Move over metrosexual

Most Indians would be familiar with the metrosexual male concept popularized by the media. Now the metrosexual has become a victim of his own success. He has not lost the sexuality but morphing into a frustosexual. To perfect this look, look no further than Emraan Hashmi, the star of the many skin and smooch flicks like the much-Malliked Murder and the udaas Zeher.. This is a very tough look to acquire or inherit and sustain. It has threecomponents
1) Pain : More than pain its angst which could stem from the chronic malancholy of corporate life where ones reward to effort ratio is as imbalanced as the fiscal deficit to GDP ratio of India. Perenially pained ...
2) Rawness/Tender depth: Behind the pain is the tender depth which most metrosexuals had to possess and thrive on the scarcity mentality which most mediocrely successful women in metros have begun to believe in when it comes to finding men with the depth and the rawness to enable them be emotionally secure. The classic " agar tum mil jaao , zamaana and kapda chhod denge hum" type for women. But now the problem is of plenty. Even after marriage women wont let him to do his job or worse still he might be attracted to married women who are not getting their due from MCP husbands.
3)Vulnerability: He can still break glasses, booze and stink like a brewery, kiss on streets, terraces and where not. Its all to do with the improbable act of balancing so many good qualities and good women.

Roll on Emraan Hashmi....and the Bhatt stable of films.....There is enough sting in this kind of look....

Chronic conundrum of corporate caprice

The corporate world is a strange planet with its own set of conundrums that emerge due to a variety of reasons, including but not limited to its history, its current performance and of course the players who consistently conform or remarkably dont reform. What are these conundrums and how does one identify them. Here are a few ones:

1. 'Corp'ulent Imbalance of 80/20: This usually happens with companies that have been successful through serendiptious sincerity or sublime slices of inspired creativity. The most common traits of such cos would be 80% of revenues coming from a single product . Here everything about that 80% would be opulent and larger than life. Great sums would be spent on every small victory of that product.20 sweaters would be ordered for a small sneeze. Life will be great if you are part of that products team. Be anywhere else and u will be asked to justify why the company should spend 1 buck on the tissue paper you use everyday. You can keep asking all the smart questions of is it not prudent risk management to focus on the remaining 20% and you will be faced with such stares that you will really believe you have come from Alibag. Jo bikta hai wohi sab ko dikhta hai. Unfortunately no body has the time to read Clayton Christensen's "The innovators dilemma" where he clearly established the pitfalls of having extreme focus on the elephant which leaves enough space for nimbler deer to surge ahead.Its very necessary for anyone to understand the center of gravity in a company because that can give you the answer between a free fall and a great rise.

2. Carbonated wisdom or Open source strategy: Corporate curves would not be as tough as treacherous mountain routes if it were not for the carbonated individuals who forget that the diet coke they keep drinking not only removes the natural sweetnes everyone is born with but leaves them bloated with wisdom that is as interesting as the corporate screensavers that are forcibly installed on most PCs of the company. And the sad part is that such individuals would be in places of authority . Their words of wisdom can only be described as "open source strategy". Downloads from business tabloids(yes the most popular economic newspaper in the country) would be bandied regularly " we need to add value" "work smart not hard" "we have to create markets" . Moreover any attempt by you to create such value by thinking or doing would be either dismissed as academic or in most cases lacking in depth. Well the puddles are everywhere and even if you have worn knee length gum boots nothing prevents anyone from jumping and spoiling your shirt. The only way to escape this is to have a paunch so that u can also drink diet coke or be on the sales side in the initial years where no one can say anything forget strategy if the targets are achieved.

More on this space later.....